Fifty shades of grey, the first instalment in the fifty shades trilogy, is claimed to be an erotic romance novel. When it came in the market in 2011, there was so much hullabaloo all around. The so much commotion, It had sold 40 million copies worldwide till then and was on New York Times bestseller list, even enticed me to grab a copy of the book from the book store (although only a year later) while I was on my way to home from my office.
After 3 days I was done with the book and so with the list of my questions that were thirsty for the answers. My thought of romance is not that executed between business magnate, Christian Grey and girl next door, Anastasia Steele in this novel. So, the first question that popped up in my head was, How is this a romance novel’? I mean where the love was, Christian would not even let her touch him. And if there was any then it was only one-sided, from Ana to Grey (at least in the first part). This question was immediately followed by another question since I am a practical person, if this is a kind of romance then does this exist in real life? I mean, a tycoon falling for a simple girl like Anastasia, it was hard to digest. And the next question, which came no later and surprised me was, she was a virgin! Last but not the least, a girl who never had sex in her life, how did she agree to go for something as dark thing as BDSM. Didn’t she know it is violent or maybe she was in so much love that she was ready to do anything for him (he turned on by violent sex), even BDSM.
The book had an obvious storyline (only if there was one) – they like each other, they fight then makeup, they engage in a lot of unusual sex, and that’s the end. In fact, the trilogy had more or less very predictable plot as well. Drama, passion followed by love, marriage and kids.
The only thing intriguing was sex- not pretentious and not conventional at all. Also, the character of protagonists was explained beautifully. The attractive and romantic’ Christian Grey with his dark past & secret and the shy yet determined Ana, the author had layered everything about both the characters so smartly and timely. I think this was the thing that made me complete it because the story was actually missing or perhaps BDSM took the central stage, both directly and indirectly. There was so much heavy present of it that it even made me also think once how one feels to be a sexual submissive? Is Bondage Domination Submission and Masochism really fun? But as you know, few answers you only get only from experience!
So, YES! I wanted to try it too. BDSM was a major (and only) brain-boner from the book. I won’t lie by saying that I was not scared but it has happened before where I took challenges and results were fruitful. But before I decided to go ahead with it practically, I thought,how about some theory before practical’! So, I flipped few pages on Google, lo and behold, the internet was happily hosting so many people like me and those, who have lived (or living) the life of this dark, deep fantasy. What intrigued me was the wonderful and sexually intriguing world of London escorts Also, I found out that there are some ethical and healthy ways to blend sex and pain consensually. It’s just that it requires good communication skills, self-knowledge, and emotional maturity as only these can make the sex safe and gratifying.
So, this brought another question in my mind. Is BDSM overrated, as described in the book? Hot and violent sex scenes are all over the pages, but that is not the reality. Or maybe I am wrong in thinking that, perhaps it was violent for Ana but same might not be the case for every person. Moreover, Christian presented her with the contract and she said yes’ despite being not comfortable with it. But why? Was she too shy? Was she afraid of losing him? Or was she thinking what Christian will think of her? So, eventually, she gives her consent to excruciating pain and couldn’t protect herself from being harmed.
Anyway, I was all ready and set for the Grey’s version of kinky and hot sex. I was ready to explore the world of sexual fantasy and I did it.
I and my partner actually did it in the Fifty Shades style. We made the contract, prepared the list and of course, the safe words. It was a mutual decision ultimately to do it and we continued to follow every rule that we had made.
I was consumed by an unquenchable desire just like Anastasia Steele. I was doubtful about my decision though because, despite so much of enjoyment, I believed that what happened was wrong and sick. I am not as determined as Ana and I destine to be a victim. And the worst happened when it went beyond the bedroom.
However, it was something which was initially fragile but ultimately, when we could communicate better, our bond got stronger, we both were left with profoundly intimate and fulfilling relationship.
I used to think I and my partner are very close & we love each other but after this, we got closer. Of course, we loved each other and it only got stronger and we were merrier. It was something new for both of us and perhaps due to this, it felt like a new beginning. We have been together for so many years and we cared for each other, loved each other but yet there was something missing and this unseen-but-felt gap between us was bridged by BDSM. I still believe that my sexual relationship which was unwillingly getting damaged was brought back to life. And most importantly, however submissive I was but sexually I was empowered.